For the tail end of last week and part of this week I have been feeling grumpy and wanting to hold onto a grudge towards someone. They acted in a way that in the past led to such hurt that it brought back a lot of painful feelings. I then got mad at myself for even talking to them or being around them, I should have known but choose to throw caution to the wind and then wound up hurt and mad at them because of their actions then started to think bad about myself.
I held on to this exchange with someone who is just who they are. I expect that perhaps things with them could be different and when they are not I get mad at myself more than them because I should know better than to put my own expectations onto someone else, right?
That is the problem with expectations instead of just letting things be as they are.
I realize that I am only hurting myself holding on to a grudge but for these past few days I also had a who cares attitude that isn’t like myself, so this morning I had enough of my bad attitude. I prayed then on a piece of paper I wrote current at the top of one side and then release on the top of the other. Below I wrote a current positive feeling then on the other underneath of release I attached a negative part of my past and its feelings. I then prayed on it, released it. I then went out side and burnt the paper.
I feel like a weight has been lifted!
But there’s more I came back in to do some of my Bible reading. It was on Genesis 19, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed. I thought I knew this story front and back. There’s even jokes about Lots wife being turned into salt but as I got done reading it I saw a correlation between my grudge of the past and releasing so I can have a great future. I must have had too much coffee with my devotions because I even went further to seeing more than just not looking at your past or you get nowhere.
I found that everyplace in the Bible a name means everything… Abram became Abraham Sarai had her name changed too I could go on. They believed in Gods promises they looked forward not back. I noticed that when someone in the Bile went forward God changed their name He stated who they are now and moving forward not who they were.
In Lots case Lot’s wife’s name is not mentioned but only her actions of what not to do.
Defining who we are keeps up looking ahead and able to let painful past go.