I thought I had a handle on forgiveness, not perfect but I thought I had the basic thought down. I had forgiven those who had wronged me and moved on, or so it seemed. I had read some insightful books that really helped, spoken to very smart people that “specialize” in helping people “like me”. I have healed a lot, I could talk about memories of my past hurts and not want to cry or throw up. So I was taken back when I kept feeling the nudge ( thank you God) of no I haven’t truly forgiven someone who hurt me in my past, the one who hurt me the most.
I was given the kick in the pants that I need to really dig deep and it all came in the form of entertainment. I was watching Sex in the City the movie, yes I know but I wanted a “girl movie” and turned it on but I wasn’t expecting to get pearls of wisdom to come from it.
The part of the movie that spoke to me was the exchange between two of the characters Carrie and Miranda, both friends but Carrie felt that Miranda did her wrong by keeping something from her. They got so mad at each other they didn’t speak for a little while until Miranda couldn’t take it any longer. Maybe it was the split from her husband who had cheated on Miranda, making her need her friend more than needing to be right. She needed her forgiveness and wanted her friend back. She made the first move. She stopped by and had a chat with her friend. She wanted forgiveness from Carrie. Carrie was surprised Miranda was expecting such quick forgiveness from her when Miranda couldn’t even entertain the idea of forgiving her husband after time had passed. Miranda said that was different but Carrie responded “it’s forgiveness.” As those words were spoken I had a nudge in my heart and that’s when I knew I really hadn’t forgiven my (ex) husband, ouch!
Had I really just done lip service?
I had and new I need to do better, I didn’t need to keep this resentment going allowing him and the things he did in the past to continue to hurt me so that it stills the full joy of today.
Forgiveness is NOT Conditional. That is exactly what I had done, I had made a list of what I would allow myself to forgive on one side and the other side are the wrongs that will never be forgiven. I didn’t want to admit it but its true. I had put my husband and some of the wrongs in that never forgiving column without even realizing it but they can’t stay there “it’s forgiveness”.
“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.” unknown