“It is Well”

I remember when the pandemic first hit, and the lock downs began honestly, I didn’t feel much different. I found that I missed some things but for the most part since I was already working at home it wasn’t that much of a change. Then time passed and as things began opening back up, I was realizing how much I was glad to get back to “normal”.

I am finding that “normal” is always changing. Just like it was during the pandemic and now afterwards it’s not the same as before covid, nothing in life is the same. Not when something major happens, nothing goes back to “normal”. Maybe what does happen is we either get so used to the dysfunction or problem that perhaps it becomes our new normal.

We accept the new normal and move forward, or at least that is what we should do. Lately I am finding it easier said than done. Some days I am angry I can’t just have my old “normal” of daily walks, yoga, work and even pots (postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) yes, pots. My health journey with pots can be a challenge but somehow manageable. Now my new normal post-surgery and cancer diagnoses is much different than anything I had experienced before. To be on what is called active cancer surveillance is living with constant checkups, scans, screening appointments, calls and lets just keep watching. I know I am not alone, this constant feeling of being thrown overboard in rapids and having to succumb to the rapids to make it out alive can be hard.

The anger I have of wanting life to not be so up in the air can be so challenging that on my worst days all I can do is just pray for strength to just make it through the day. Strength to see just one good thing in my world, sometimes all I can do is just say help me, and He does. It is in these moments I feel God more near me than all my anger, hurt, frustration and pain. I find that the one or two worded prayer in desperation is all that is needed, no eloquence just honesty. God is not put off by honesty, what a comfort that is in itself. To know I have a soft place to fall, and all is well even when not all is well in my world.

It will be years of active cancer surveillance for me, and I know I’ll have my hard days when I get tired of watching and waiting but I also know I can’t wait for my “normal” to ever be what it was instead this is my life now, my learning curve and the only thing I can do is leave it to the one who knows all and know that all is well with my soul.

The song “It Is Well With My Soul” was written by Heratio Spafford who had his own tragic life events almost like the life of Job in the Bible. He wrote from a broken but inspiring place. I have found this song so comforting to me.

“It Is Well With My Soul” written by Heratio Spafford

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul

It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul

It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

Psalm 62:5 NIV Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

Or

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.