Posted in Uplifting

Goodbye to A Dream


Goodbyes can be painful and some people wont say it. My one Grandmother was that way. I lived close to her for a while and she would never say goodbye, I thought it was because we lived close and I always saw her. Then we moved a little over an hour and a half away and when I cam to visit still no goodbye, she would say to tell her until next time or see you latter. I never really understood why she wouldn’t say it but as I got older and had more goodbyes I came to understand her a little more. They are hard! I don’t care how much of trying to look at every end has a beginning sometimes you just have to be in the moment of the hard goodbye in order to fully morn and move on and that’s how I was a few months ago.

I had been like my Granma and had put off saying goodbye.  So I had a goodbye to a dream party. I know it sounds crazy but I needed to do that in order to move forward to this next part of my life. I had been putting off saying goodbye for to long and it was finally time. I had put off saying goodbye to my dream of being a nurse, I know it seems a bit dramatic but to me ever since I was a small girl that’s all I ever wanted to be, a nurse  was all I could think of. Sure I had some back up dreams but I’m thinking that the world didn’t need anymore Charlie’s Angels or Nancy Drew. I remember the first time I had to initial in a chart I was excited but it did get old and  sometimes I would complain about the day to day duties of a nurse but when it came down to it, I loved it but I knew that the scrubs I was hanging on to ( just in case I got better) needed to go. I gave most away then the last scraggly few I put in a bag with a long goodbye letter then went out and dug a hole, burying them. I’m sure if anyone would have looked over the fence as I had tears running down my face and a shovel in my hand at a hole, they would have thought it was pet.  After a time of tears I realized how I must have looked and started to laugh at myself. I was ready to go inside and start my life doing something totally new.

This might sound a lot to do just for a vocation but after I did it I felt better, I felt like I was able to move on with my new normal and all the good stuff that is coming. I still sigh at times when I see scrubs or hear about a health problem but its not as often and it doesn’t come with the sadness it once did or even the longing. I know that I am enough even with out the abbreviations after my name.

Psalm 139:13-16 ESV
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Posted in Uplifting

Paul Blart-Mall Cop

I think I can count on my one hand the movies I choose to see more than once and “Paul Blart-Mall Cop” is one of them. I know but no judgements here. This movie is directed by Steve Carr and written by Kevin James/Nick Bakay and distributed by Sony Pictures.

In the movie the very likeable Paul Blart is a mall cop with a low blood sugar problem that kept him out of joining the state troopers but because he is a mall cop that takes his job seriously he saves people in a mall that is been taken over by criminals. I am always rooting for the underdog in books or movies so maybe that is why I like this movie, or maybe I like it because I can see so many lessons in it especially for me now with my health and change of vocation, who knows. I was thinking of this movie the other day because my kids will call me Paul Blart when I get hungry, not that I have a blood sugar problem but because I am always snacking. I had mentioned in my eggplant recipe post that I am eating small but often now due to my health problem and how much that has helped me so I guess I don’t mind being called Paul Blart. I have found that eating smart and the right foods but in small quantities I am feeling so much better. My heart doesn’t have to work so hard to send the blood to my stomach to digests my food leaving me feeling less tired.  I thought I was health conscious before but now its defiantly life or death for me.

I was thinking that I am not only being carful with my food choices but have started to become so much more conscious of the spiritual choices for me. I am trying to be carful with what I nurture my soul with as well as my body. I now read,pray and meditate small amounts at a time but often just like my food choices and how much more happy and healthy I am with that. Just how I have such a reminder with my body I am needing to remind my soul. When I nurture my soul often I am so much more healthy and can give others a better me.

Just like in Mall Cop Paul Blart couldn’t save any one until he had some sugar I can’t be of use to any one if I don’t take care of me. It has taken my health declining for me to really have that light bulb moment  to know that nurturing me is worth it. I may not be what I was but I can be useful in other ways that might be more useful than I every thought of but I have to take care of me so I can give to others. I know when I do this and keep my mind on God instead of my body that at times hurts or gives out I still have peace, contentment, happiness and the ability to engage with others in a more positive attitude.

One verse that helps me is Isaiah 26:3

Isaiah 26:3 ESV
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you