Posted in Uplifting

To Weep

The picture was taken by my daughter a while ago, I didn’t even realize she took it until later, it is about the last picture that was taken of the two of us before my dog passed.

It will be a year soon and I still miss her so, because when the sorrow you feel is too deep to be touched by words. All that you can do is sit in the time of great pain and let tears fall and sometimes even with it being so many months those tears still fall.

You may have lost a pet who was more than an animal to you, they were a loved one. Maybe you have another heart break but as you say goodbye to someone whom you have had by your side, when your marriage fell apart and your kids grew and then stretched their wings, it was always my sweet baby girl, laying her head on me to comfort and listen as I talked about life. It was her comfort that was given without hesitation. It was her just being with me that gave more support than any words. In her quiet way she spoke volumes.

I think of this and wonder why we as humans fill the need to speak to fill the space of the hurt with words instead of just being present in the pain. Is it that pain scares us so much we don’t know how to react? So, we think that some profound thought that may be well meaning needs to be said to fill the space instead of our presence, so we are kept at arm’s length in hopes that the pain doesn’t somehow infect us

I think that sometimes all that is needed is just to have someone sit and weep with you as you are in that pain.

I love the fact the shortest sentence in the Bible is John 11:35 “Jesus wept.” He didn’t come in with great words (although he could have) to his friends’ sisters that were crying over the loss of their brother/his friend. He didn’t make light of it either, he just came to them in the moment and noticed their sadness and wept.

Today if someone is hurting just sit with them when they grieve don’t try and push your agenda to make yourself feel better but instead do what Jesus did and just weep with them.
Sometimes filling a void with words only fall flat but sitting and honoring their feels goes a long way.

Side note:

You will be with me always my sweet girl, thank you for the joy you have brought to me. I feel so blessed to hurt so exceedingly because that only means I was able to love so much!

Posted in Uplifting

My new Normal

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I have been on a long hiatus with my blog, and it feels like my life and here’s why.

I am a woman in the middle of life (and no I don’t mind growing older, it’s a privilege denied to some) …I have been married (as some know) divorced and yes still a sucker for punishment remarried. A mother and now grandmother who loves chocolate, with a huge, sweet tooth enjoys baking and to balance out my sweet tooth I have found one of my favorite pastimes, healthy cooking. I do some crafts every chance I get and go through periods when knitting is enjoyable. The great outdoors is where I find my comfort and if I could have a huge garden I would.

My list goes on, but I think you get the jest that just like you I have so many sides of me. I am such a private person, but I am trying to grow and step out of my comfort zone.
I have found that going out of my comfort zone has been thrust upon me, I have been diagnosed with a chronic condition that affects every part of my life. I understand fatigue!! I understand that you may look healthy but on the inside the list of hurt, aches and pains are too many to mention. I now am learning to ask for help and to be honest with those closest to me how I feel, not to just press on but to accept help, that is a tuff one but so needed for me now. I am also finding my voice and how to share my health journey so that others don’t feel so alone or may pick up on some tips that may help.

Because I was a vegetarian/yogi that ran miles I had the thought that I was doing everything I could to stay healthy, but that is the thing with a health condition that arises, it will take what you thought was your healthy life and turn it upside down but just because my health is what it is it doesn’t mean I will give up. I have learned to embrace my struggle and if you want to share in this wonderful journey with me, I will post the good, the bad and all in between. I can show you what has helped me to embrace my “new normal”
I will also have healthy recipes, fitness programs, a community of Wellness Marvels on Facebook, if you want to join me there, we will uplift each other up in a no judgement kind of place! Need meal prep help? Yep, I have that too and the best part is its nutritional help from experts.

I want to empower women that even with a health condition or change in direction it is not the end but just a turn in the page and a new story to be written.

Side note, I had published this in 2019 but felt I should give an update and bring it back for those who may have missed it or to let those of you who read it know that I still have my health and wellness/fitness group that is for all who wish to get healthier but need help getting there. I am also a yoga instructor now, never thought I would be but find it helps me even more in my practice. If you are curious about my groups, please message me or visit the link below.

https://mysite.coach.teambeachbody.com/?coachId=2832050

Posted in Uplifting

God’s Timing

I have been praying on a certain issue for years. At times I feel as if God works like a crock pot, but I would rather He was a microwave.

I know God is hearing me and yes, the thought has crossed my mind that my answer could be a no but then I come across a part in the Bible that reminds me that my timing is defiantly not Gods.

 

The Healing at the Pool on the Sabbath

John 5:1-15

Sometime later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. [4] [b] One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10 and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

11 But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

12 So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 15 The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.”

 

As I was reading this the other morning right after my long prayer, I got stuck on one part of the passage for the longest time. No, it wasn’t on the fact of a healing on the Sabbath, yes that’s a big one but all I could see was a man had been an invalid for not one or two years but a LONG 38!! As I reread and thought about this, I had such a deep overwhelming connection to him. This man went to the pool year after year. He didn’t give up he just went like clockwork. His miracle came with no bells or whistles after all this time of waiting, in fact he couldn’t even say who, when asked. This man with no name has made such an imprint by his unwavering faith, his name wasn’t needed his action spoke volumes.

I won’t forget this man’s persistence. My prayer will be answered, it might come on a day that I wouldn’t think it should happen on or perhaps in such a quite way I won’t realize what is happening, but it will happen. It might take a bit more time, that’s all.

Posted in Uplifting

Fear and Anxiety

Did you know that the African Impala in a zoo can be held back by a three foot wall even though they can jump ten feet in the air and travel as far as thirty feet in one single bound? Yep, I was pretty amazed when I read that so I started to study this beautiful animal more I found a lot of interesting things. I knew of the car and would see the beautiful animals run past safari trucks on shows but I never really understood how amazing these creatures are until the other day when I did some research.

Not only can they jump amazingly but they survive a cheetah chase by being maneuverable and unpredictable at less speeds giving them the ability to change directions rapidly allowing for a great survival rate but when they panic and try to out run the fast predator they usually succumb to the attack. I guess I am not surprised that these majestic creatures are also anxious animals who tend to cry wolf, they sound the alarm of a predictor so often that twenty-five percent of the time their cry to worn others of danger is only the grass moving, its so bad zebras usually don’t flee at their cries.

I continued reading but I couldn’t help but think of how often I am like these anxious animals and maybe you can see some similarities with yourself. I think of the times I hold myself back when I could move forward accomplishing a long term dream but I settle for my three foot fence never utilizing my full wonderful potential because it is so much easier to stay on the safe side eating grass that is easily maintained by others.

Or

If I do venture out I let my imagination get the best of me so I succumb to my anxiousness, cry wolf and flee when it is nothing but the wind in the grass. Maybe you haven’t done the fleeing but instead you don’t use the tools or gifts that make you so unique because you panic and try what everyone else is doing so you get caught by the very thing your running from.

Worry and anxiety can have such a hold on use we assume it’s normal and almost accept it ,but maybe if we look at it as a three foot fence knowing it can easily be jumped, it wont be so scary and in times when I forget at least I know the one that can help me jump.

Psalm 18: 33-50

  33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. 34 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 35 You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great. 36 You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way. 37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 38 I crushed them so that they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. 39 You armed me with strength for battle; you humbled my adversaries before me. 40 You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes. 41 They cried for help, but there was no one to save them— to the LORD, but he did not answer. 42 I beat them as fine as windblown dust; I trampled them like mud in the streets. 43 You have delivered me from the attacks of the people; you have made me the head of nations. People I did not know now serve me, 44 foreigners cower before me; as soon as they hear of me, they obey me. 45 They all lose heart; they come trembling from their strongholds. 46 The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior! 47 He is the God who avenges me, who subdues nations under me, 48 who saves me from my enemies. You exalted me above my foes; from a violent man you rescued me. 49 Therefore I will praise you, LORD, among the nations; I will sing the praises of your name. 50 He gives his king great victories; he shows unfailing love to his anointed, to David and to his descendants forever.

Posted in Uplifting

“The Terrible No Good Very Bad Day”

Photo by Keenan Constance on Pexels.com

As a child I read Judith Viorst book “Alexander and The Terrible No Good Very Bad Day” and thought I could identify with the character at times, even feeling as if that book somehow was written just for me. Don’t get me wrong I was usually very happy go lucky and full of energy but it was that energy that seemed to add to my days not going as smooth as one would like.

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks or years (hello 2020) when it just left you let down and annoyed? Maybe even further discouraged and needing a lifeline thrown? I know we all have probably been there this past year. From walking into stores at half the compacity to walking down the isle in hopes of finding toilet paper for once. We might have moved on from the isles being picked over but we still are walking around with masks and keeping our distance from each other.

I have always found such solus in being alone. I find such peace when I am at my wits end just getting away, taking a walk by my self so I am alone with my thoughts always helps set things right in my mind. I still feel that way but for once I long for people going about their life, being able to see the worn out looks or smiles. I got so used to not making eye contact and giving half polite smiles when needed that I would give anything to really see people again all exposed and giving off subtle clues to how they really are.

Maybe the reason we are having such a hard time is the very thought of being alone with our own thought for once is just to much to handle. Maybe we are seeing parts of our selves that are to hard to look at and then there is no one to share those new found thoughts because we are shut off from each other. In a world that has such an amazing ability to connect we are so disconnected.

Maybe instead of staying disconnected we could use all the other was to connect. We all have had those days, weeks and years that leave us upset and thinking the world is against us but that’s just it we all have those times and we all have those sweet moments when all is right with the world.

And

If you have ever read the book you get to see that at the end Alexander still had all his “problems” but he did remember his mom saying there will be days like these.

This past year has been one for the books but I have a passage that has helped me so much. Notice it says you will have trouble not if.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

If you are in need of help (in the US) have no one to turn to please call

1- 877-726-4727 This is a referral service to get you to the people that can help you.

Posted in Uplifting

Seeing Everything Clearly

Have you ever had something in your eye that no matter what you did it was still there? You try everything and still it bugs you to the point of asking for help from someone who has a better vantage point. They may not feel the pain or discomfort but they can help because they see what you can’t.

I had that problem the other day. I have vision problems at times due to my health but this time was different, it was due to me being cheap and not wanting to throw away my mascara. I switched to a clean mascara and it works great, never flakes(unless its time to say good bye to it) but it does cost more. Maybe you can see why I was trying to stretch it. If you have ever wanted to stretch the use from mascara you know it can get flaky and those flakes sometimes go into your eye, the fun of makeup.

I was in a hurry, causing me to put my mascara on fast and run out the door blinking as I went because I felt like something might be in my eye. Driving along there was no might or denying it. I definitely had something in it. I had to drive with only one eye while the other one was shut but tears coming down my cheek, yes I looked beautiful. At least I arrived safety at the store. Looking in my mirror I didn’t see anything but I felt what was the size of a boulder in my eye. I blinked, rubbed, blotted but nothing helped. I tried to rub off the mascara on my good eye in hopes I didn’t look as lopsided but of course that didn’t help, instead I just looked like I rolled out of bed crying but into the store pretending all was fine.

I did manage to get my things from the store and back home safe with just my ego slightly bruised.

My face washed, my eye a little better and no mascara this time, giving my poor eyes some much needed rest, and yes the old one finally made its way to the trash. I started thinking on how sometimes we act as if everything is fine even when its obvious we aren’t.

Why do we all seem to have that in common? We all say we are fine when asked but inside we are falling apart.

On the morning of my mascara flake I read this passage, coincidence?

Mark 8:22-26 22They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” 24He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” 25Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. 26Jesus sent him home, saying, “Don’t even go into the village.”

I always thought how odd that Jesus healed the man but his vision was askew at first. I never got it until the day with the mascara. Just like the blind man that was able to see but didn’t see correctly. That is until Jesus asked how he was and the man was honest telling exactly how he was. He didn’t hold back but told Jesus everything, not just being grateful to see but the weird, different, strange parts too. In turn the man got the full healing.

What would it be like if we were all a little honest with how we really are. Notice the man didn’t start complaining and telling Jesus how he messed up but instead just honest with what was going on. Maybe the man would have lived the rest of his life seeing people as trees if he kept quite.

A lot can be said on being honest. You have to open up and be vulnerable, but think of the healing and blessing we miss keeping our problems to our selves.

Posted in Uplifting

Broken But not Beyond Repair

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

I love to look at old houses that some would look at and say they are broken beyond repair or they are so broken they are passed by and not even noticed.

With these houses my imagination gets to run wild. I can imagine who lived there, happiness and pain that took place in those walls. I also see them as the beautiful building that they once were, and could be again.

This is not much different from what we do with people. We see the outer shell and judge, it is hard not to. I have judged forgetting the real person. I find it is easy to miss treat others if we stay shallow and look at the outward only. Isn’t it so much easier to dismiss them if we can write them off in the story we perceive instead of what is?

We all have a story and some of us show the brokenness more so than others, in fact it’s the ones that push the hurt onto others that are so broken, needing the most repair.

How many times do we pass by the homeless, mentally ill or a person that looks or smells.  We turn the other way not seeing that they once shined. They had a day before the brokenness took over. A day before the lights shut off, the door closed and someone left. A day before the weeds of hurt and pain took over. A day when they had curb appeal.

If only the next time we pass by these people we stop just for one and really see them as someone who is broken but not beyond repair.

I am so thankful that God looked at me, didn’t give up but has compassion sees me in my brokenhearted state. Now I need to show others that compassion.

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Posted in Uplifting

20 Seconds of Courage

“You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you something great will come of it.”

― Benjamin Mee-We Bought a Zoo

I have never seen the movie but would like to, so when I read that quote and thought how true. I couldn’t have read it at a better time. I was having one of those days when all I wanted to do was have a melt down and if I was a baby I’m sure I would have. You know those days you wake up maybe a little crabby and all the normal things that you do in the morning with out effort take effort and don’t go smooth. You start to wonder if you should have stayed in bed but you can’t because life goes on even if its not smoothly.

This was were I was at but trying to make the best of it when I read that quote. My mind went into over drive I thought I have 20 seconds to be kind and not have a crabby attitude. I think that was the longest 20 seconds I have had in awhile but I made it through. I moved on with a little more of my day with that thought of I can be nice for 20 seconds and for me on a crabby day that is real courage.

That day kept me in the moment, it kept me mindful, and how to be nice when I don’t want to be. How when everything feels like its just one big crap shoot you can still rise above it even if it is just for 20 seconds at a time.

20 seconds may seem short, but when you are trying to have “insane courage” and be “embarrassing brave” its a lifetime. Isn’t it just that, how funny when broken down it can be so do able. If done then that is when we get “something that is great”. We get a good life even when things are going just the opposite of great. Even in a pandemic, unrest and political craziness let alone all the little day to day problems that we face. 20 seconds of stepping out of our bad mood and being kind is just as infectious as the problems but what peace and contentment we have, making others want it.

Maybe next time someone cuts you off or miss treats you think 20 seconds, I know I will. We all are walking in some really uncomfortable shoes now but 20 seconds of kindness goes a long way and who can’t be brave for 20 seconds?

This did help me, my day stayed the same but my attitude didn’t and with a better attitude I could handle life not as smooth as I’d like.

I also started to remember a Bible verse I love because it really breaks down what is required of us and it is simple especially when done at 20 second intervals.

Micah 6:8

He has told you, O man, what is good;
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,[a]
    and to walk humbly with your God?

Posted in Uplifting

To Be Seen

Have you ever had the pleasure of being around someone who with out saying a word they just got you? Or maybe someone you could go to and they would listen in such a way that you not only felt heard but seen?

Those traits are only found is rare special people that have a quite strength that draws you in like a moth to a flame.

I had the good fortune in calling one of those rare special people my grandpa. He was quite, quick witted, compassionate…..the list of his traits go on but it was his ability to really listen even taking note of what you didn’t say, because of his active listening I always felt like I was seen.

Sure, perhaps I have my rose color glass of a granddaughter who adored her grandpa on but even those that worked with him felt like he just got them. The quite carpenter, volunteer firefighter, writer, family man who saw pain and grew up with abuse gave such compassion people flocked to him.

I was reflecting on this as I dusted the picture of him and I. I came to a stop with cleaning and putting up my fall decorations. It has been years since his passing but his ability to love still stays. I miss just sitting with him and feeling understood without words. I said a pray about how much I miss being with him, when I felt that I have something even better.

I have my father who I am able to really be seen by. I went on cleaning and decorating but that feeling of peace knowing I am really understood and loved stayed. We may think God is just out there waiting to hit us over the head when we screw up but what I find so amazing is that when he gave us His son Jesus, Jesus spent his years on this earth teaching healing and just being with us and if that wasn’t enough I love the fact that the longest recorded conversation Jesus had with anyone was with a women!

In a time when women were less than property He sat down away from crowds and just spoke to a women that doesn’t even have a name recorded in the Bible. Instead she is just “The Women at the Well” (John 4:5-30) with a very colorful history. Jesus shows us that taking the time to sit and really be with someone has a lasting effect, because Jesus showed the women she was seen, her whole village heard about it and came to check it out. Jesus showed love, acceptance and broke rules for someone who was viewed as lesser than property. If he was willing to do that then don’t you think that He sees you and loves you warts and all?

Psalm 139:2-4 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.

Posted in Uplifting

“It’s Forgiveness” Part 2

I really like that quote but it is so much harder for me to do. I tend to forgive others so much quicker than I do myself, I seem to think that I made such a mess of things with my actions, (or lack of action) words that have been said (or not said) that I find it only fair that I carry guilt of what I did. Why should I extend grace to myself?

Along with forgiving my (ex-)husband I needed to forgive myself for the part that I played. To let go of the if only, why didn’t I and how could you. Those are the bitter pills for me to swallow. It is easier for me to accept and carry the guilt and shame than to release it and give it to God. To leave all of that baggage at the foot of the cross where its suppose to stay but I somehow manage to make a hike up to old Calvary to collect what I feel is mine to keep.

The baggage can be a comfort. It can give a false sense of security. That blanket of shame has been with me to long I feel incomplete with out it.

The sad fact is that living that way is what keeps me and any one else behaving in the state of I deserve less so accepting less is fine with us. We end up not living our full lives and really living.

I love hiking but making that trip back to Calvary to collect what I was never meant to have only takes my energy. It is telling Jesus that what he did was great for everyone else but I am the exception to the rule of forgiveness. How it must break His heart when we decrease the value of what He did on the cross. We cheapen the act of His death and resurrection.

To accept that we are worthy of forgiving ourselves, learning and moving on and actually living loved is the best way we can say thank you to God for what he has given us.

When I am starting to make that hike I reach for Psalm 103 then I feel I deserve to just accept, not over think but to give grace to myself because “it’s forgiveness”.

1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. 19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. 22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, my soul.